Lonely. That's the only word I can think of to describe how I feel. I feel as though I don't know who I can trust, who I can really talk to, or be myself with. I hate it, and I don't..I don't know how to break out of this cycle.

I don't like this. But it's for the best. I just have to keep telling myself that. He's safe now, safer that way. I know he hates me, but..He'll get over it, and he'll find somebody new, somebody to make him happier than I could. Right? He has to.

I wish I knew who I could talk to about all of this.

I hope you aren't too mad at me. I know you're really good friends with Dung, and I- I don't know. I'm sorry.

I am sorry.

Are you alright, love? Is there anything I can do for you?

They found out. I should have known that I couldn't keep it from them, and I know that it was perhaps a bit foolish to be so open with Dung this weekend. But I can't help it.

They want me to end things. But I- I don't want to. At least this wasn't a howler. But perhaps..Oh, I'm not sure. Perhaps I will ignore it.

My parents know about us. I received the owl this morning.

But I just..I want to let you know that I love you. And I'm not- I'm making my own choice this time. I want us.

I kissed him. Or he kissed me. And I liked it. I can't stop thinking about it, because I enjoyed it, far more than I ever thought I would. Not that I ever really thought about kissing Mundungus before, but...I don't know. I don't know how to handle this, how to handle these kinds of emotions. I'm supposed to finish Hogwarts, and then be courted by some pureblood that Mother and Papa have chosen for me, and then to just..to settle down.

I don't know if I want that life. There, I've said it. I don't know what I want. But if they were ever to find that out, to find out that I sometimes wonder if they're really right, if their thoughts and everything I was raised to believe in is just..if it's wrong. Or ignorant. Or foolish, or- I don't know. I can't seem to sort out any of my thoughts.

Thank you again for everything over break. I really enjoyed my time with you and your family. I especially enjoyed ringing in the New Year with you.